I'm Back Home

I've been avoiding writing, fearing that once pen touches paper, all my fears will take over and emotion will consume me. I've been home 2 days now, and it's actually the weirdest feeling in the world....I feel like I'm not here, like I'm in a dream world, and that soon enough I will wake up and be in my 3x3 room with kookaburras screaming up a storm. I cried for 2 days straight before I left, so I think I'm all cried out now, yet, have no idea how to express this uncertainty that is within me.

My last couple days in Sydney were so nice- I saw a lot of people and got to say my goodbyes, and I got to go to the House of Worship for the last time on my own, where I, expectedly, balled my eyes out. I miss the people, but I think in the long run, I'll miss the environment the most- an environment that fosters growth, that is infused with a strong sense of love and unity and service. To have the House of Worship there for whenever I needed a place to gather my thoughts, let my emotions run wild, or just to get some peace, it was invaluable.

On the plane, I sat next to a guy who just lives down the road from the Temple. I tried to talk about my service, but found that speaking in past tense was just too hard for me, and I couldn't properly talk if I was going to break down in tears each time! I told him straight out to just ignore me if I was crying in my little corner hahaha. I tried to distract myself with sleep and some lame movies...but it didn't work, some hard, silent crying came through the cracks.

It's going to be an interesting transition to say the least.....

The Countdown Has Begun...4 Days

...That's so weird to write.

You've gotta understand that in some ways I feel like I've just started my service here! I've been integrated into this community, I've built relationships with people, gotten involved in various activities...and I'm leaving?! Ughhhhh. Bitter sweet to the MAX.

I go through periods of just sobbing my little heart out, and periods of feeling very detached and content (or just no emotion)- it's not as extreme as it sounds, and I think I've been able to balance it better than I have been able to in the past. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I cannot predict what I will feel a certain day, and which emotions will decide to manifest themselves that day.

I had a goodbye party (so weird to have one for myself!)- It was at the beach on a nice warm, sunny day, and people just dropped in and out, and so I got to see many people before I leave. It was really nice. I had my junior youth group today- they took own initiative and planned a mini-going away for me. It was so sweet! Completed with poppers, lollies (candy), balloons and everything! I was/am so touched. I'm going to miss those radiant souls.

Will try to post another...post...before I leave. If not...See you on the other side of the world! PEACE! SEE YA!

A Blessing of A Year

To put it in the simplest of terms, this year has been a true blessing, a gift, something that will probably never happen again. Each time I reflect back on how the year has been and the things I've experienced....I can't help but start to cry. To be able to do the things I've don, and meet the people I've met, and learn what I have learned...nothing can replace that, and I truly do see the tests that I have had as a gift, because without them, I wouldn't have been able to grow, and I wouldn't have learned to fully rely on the spiritual (God). Believe me when I said some tests were testing my patience with God and with life- some tests I thought would never end; but with patience, prayer, detachment and inner joy, I was able to over come that- it's one of my proudest learning.

My test now is to be content with the path I'm about to trod, to be detached from my emotions of sadness, and to learn to have that faith and trust that everything will be ok and that opportunities will arise, doors will open, and my life will continue to unfold as it should.

Did I tell you about my "go hard or go home" plan? Basically, my roommate and I have been living by that motto the last couple of weeks. Anything opportunity that comes out of the ordinary, we grab it and run full speed with it. My sense of "is this practical?" has completely gone out the door. Forget that! I'm living it up best I can!....