I Finally Tried Vegemite

After 5 months of being in Australia, I finally tried a staple of Australian breakfast cuisine- Vegemite. It was actually not as bad as I thought! It was on toasted bread spread along with butter. It's not like a jam or peanut butter where you slather it to all corners, but a thin layer of it gives a nice taste- salty, but not as yucky as I thought.

Service has been going well, very busy and very tiring, but always fulfilling. Most of the people in the office are going to be going on holiday breaks, which means I wont have work to do, so I will be guiding at the Temple for a couple weeks; it'll be good to directly teach the Faith again and brush off my teaching skills- actually meet people! :) I really want to go into the city for New Years Eve to see the fireworks off the Harbour Bridge and around the Opera House- since I'm here and I'm so close and it's one of the best fireworks shows in the world, why not attend?! It's also the first part of the world to celebrate the new year :) It's going to be so exciting...and so packed, but so epic at the same time! I'm stoked.

Challenges here have been in abundance for me- things about my family and with friendships and where I'm going in life and revelations from those topics have been hard to juggle with. All these tests come at the same time and I get overwhelmed! What's been happening these past couple weeks is that I'm so exhausted after work and the day, but so many thoughts are going through my head that I stay up writing until 1am to get some kind of clarity and just to clean my brain....and then I'm even more exhausted haha. What I pinpointed early on is that I have to faith that I will be ok, that my situations will be taken care of, I will be given guidance, and I will become stronger because of these new findings and tests. We, as Baha'is, believe that tests and difficulties arise in our lives because it is conducive to our spiritual a(nd other dimensions') growth, and that we wont be tested beyond our capacity, so all tests we are able to overcome and grow from- “I know of a certainty, by virtue of my love fro Thee, that Thou wilt never cause tribulations to befall any soul unless Thou desirest to exalt his station in Thy celestial Paradise...” (Test and Difficulties prayer). I've seen faith and trust work here, andI need to be patient, and I do believe that this pain, sadness, anxiety, fear and heaviness that I feel will all work itself out and disappear.

The house is almost full- we have 7 girls now. 2 from the US, 2 from Canada, 2 from Australia and 1 from China (there's no way I'm getting that Aussie accent now...) It's so weird to think I've already been here for 5 months and that soon I'll be on a plane ride back home....it feels like I just landed, exhausted, anxious and teary eyed! I cannot believe it's almost 2010. Life seriously is passing by with a twinkling of the eye. We are having a youth conference coming up in January that I'm pretty excited about- seems like there will be a lot of talks and workshops on the role of youth and young people in relation to world topics today. I'll be running a workshop on youth year of service, so wish me luck on that!

It's been a while since I've put up pictures, so here's a little taste of what's been happening :)

Ding Ding Ding! We Have a Winner!

For what seems like forever, I have gone back and forth on deciding where to serve for the remaining months of my Year of Service. For all the drama, tears, anxiety, and stress this process has put me through, my decision was made pretty comfortably. I'm staying in Australia :)

As you know, I've been mulling through all my possibilities over and over again, and it seemed that all had a potentiality to happen. What I finally did, was rely on prayer. As I've mentioned before, reliance on prayer was never my strong suite, but being here and having tests I've never thought I would encounter, has basically forced me to go "Ok, I don't know what is going on, I really don't know where to turn but to prayer and ask for guidance." The amazing thing that happened was that I became so detached from the situation, that I truly believed "whatever happens, happens, and I'll plan from there"-- very unlike Ailene I might say.

In my last post I expressed anxiety of the possibility of not going to Samoa, and how that would be it, that all the doors would open up to me yet again. At that point is where I really prayed for detachment. A couple days later, my friend who was booking the tickets for us, told me that we got a discount and the prices were now in our budget and that we could book. I was so detached from going at that point that I wasn't excited about Samoa at all! That scared me a little bit, I have to be honest, but I realized that what I was doing all that week (while waiting to hear about the exact price I would pay) was thinking positive; I was sure that we would get the tickets, I was sure we were going to Samoa. Funny thing was, I had no basis of being that sure! A little thought would creep into my mind of "what if" and "how can you be so positive?" but I would quickly push it away and think "It's fine. We're going. I'm sure of it." Maybe I should try this positive thinking/detachment/trust thing more often :)

The tickets for Samoa were always the deciding point for me of whether I would stay or go. Samoa is happening in February, so I've extended my stay in Sydney from January till March, and I'm currently in talks to go to the Northern Territory for 2-3 months to do some more "in the field" work- neighborhood activities such as childrens classes, junior youth classes, Baha'i study courses, and devotional (prayer) gatherings.

The decision to stay was so swiftly made. It feels very comfortable- I'll be able to see some of Australia, I'll be able to contribute to the Faith in different ways, and I'll be able to go to Samoa! I'm so incredibly blessed and so thankful that I am able to support myself going to these various places. I feel like I'll have a more well rounded experience in Australia. So, who's up for sponsoring me going to the Great Barrier Reef? hahahaha- the one place I really wanted to visit, outside of the Opera House, probably won't be happening hahaha. Work is what I'll be doing when I get home!

I'm already starting to think about when I go home and how much I'm going to miss Australia and the people and the amount of spirituality that has infused my life. I can just see myself sitting in my room looking through photos and compiling a scrapbook, either laughing or crying, probably both, and just going down memory lane. I'm soaking it all in. I don't want to look back and think "I wish I did that." Only 4 months here, yet, I already miss it.

Well, there you have it. Now, don't we all feel more stable now? I know I do.

Seeing a Small Light at the End of the Tunnel

Very apologetic for my lack of updates!

Life events are getting all jumbled up and every time I think of writing I get overwhelmed with the amount of information I want to share and so....I just don't do it =)

Where to start?!

First off, Australian weather is seriously spastic and very PMSy. On Monday it was 41C which is 105F, and very humid. I have forgotten how it's like to be in humidity and how sticky and shiny one gets! Thank you for the reminder Mother Nature. But then! On Tuesday, the very next day, the temperature went down to 19C, which is 66F. Break out my full on winter clothes along with a scarf...I'm surprised I haven't gotten some weird Australian disease from this major weather mood swings!

Secondly, I've edged more towards a decision of whether to stay or go, and so here are my thoughts: I've come to the conclusion that my main test and challenge for this year of service is to really learn how to be detached, to trust in God, to know that He has my best interests in mind, to know that I have a path and I will be guided to that path, to know that I will never be truly alone because I will always have assistance and guidance from God, and to have faith that it will all turn out well. I've always had a hard time detaching- always worrying and stressing over details that I cannot control, thinking that if I worry enough, it will be ok, that I will be protected from the negative outcome because I will have already thought about it! I've always prayed but never understood prayer and the power of prayer- I find that it is hard for me to recognize when prayers are answered, and I've also had a hard time just leaving it in the hands of God, knowing that somehow it will work out. And I've had a hard time just having faith, to be detached enough to think "ok, I've prayed, I've tried to figure it out, now it's up to Him. He will guide the way."

As I've been here, prayers and been answered in more majestic ways than I can describe- My roommates and I have been thinking of visiting Samoa in February because there is another Baha'i House of Worship in Apia, and since we are relatively close we felt it would be a good opportunity. Although I really wanted to do it, financially I was worried because I have yet decided if I'm staying or going. All of a sudden, money came into my life in ways that I had never considered and it lifted a rather large worry off of me. Within a few days we found significantly cheaper tickets to Samoa than we found the previous month. That to me was a prayer answered. Those events combined were to me a sign that I should stay in Australia.

Since then (which was about 1 and a half months ago) I have become more and more comfortable with the fact of staying in Australia- I'm close to booking a ticket to Samoa, and I've written to Baha'is in the Northern Territory to see what my options are in serving there for a couple of months (the NT is at the top of Australia, tropical and where a lot of the indigenous culture is). As of now, I'm thinking of staying in Sydney at the House of Worship until March and then doing 3 months in the Northern Territory. It feels comfortable, and it feels like it will be a good balance for my year of service.

I have encountered stressors- the tickets to Samoa have turned out to be more money than expected, with taxes and all, so that has put a dent in my week, but I woke up today joyful and really confident that we will find good tickets, because for the first time that I can really remember, I have my whole trust in God, I'm trying really hard to be detached, and I have faith that it will happen. Don't get me wrong, I am preparing myself for if it doesn't happen, because in my mind, if Samoa doesn't happen, then that means my options are technically still very open, but I'm not worrying about it too much. I haven't heard back from NT, and if my whole plan doesn't work out, then I'll go from there. But until I'm 100% Samoa isn't happening, then I'm not giving up!

Today is Thanksgiving in the U.S., and I have to say I'm a little bummed I'm not there. It really is one of my favorite holidays because it's a holiday simply to get the family together, to have a meal together and talk and laugh and reminisce about the good-old-days. It's a very unifying feeling. And I know that my family isn't doing anything special, but it would've been nice to be there, soaking up all the Fall spirit~ (albeit in 80F weather =D )

This weekend is going to be jammed packed- at the wee hours of the morning on Saturday there is the Ascension of Abdu'l-Baha (the day of His passing), and so there will be prayers in the House of Worship at 1am. On Sunday the Baha'is have Unit Convention (the communities get together), which is where we vote for a delegate to go to a National Convention to vote for our National Assembly (the National Assembly looks after all affairs of the Faith

within that Nation-I'm working as an assistant in 5 departments for them in their offices). I'll be able to vote =) And then on Monday my friend might be taking my roommate and I to the Blue Mountains. It's a must see place I've heard so I hope we do get to vote. Might learn how to surf this weekend too- although, knowing my skills on a skateboard (that is no skills on a skateboard, not even just standing on it), I don't know if I'll even attempt it hahaha.

I cannot believe it's almost the end of the year. 2010 is coming so quickly! I'm full on planning to see a fireworks display over the Opera House from the Harbor Bridge. Will definitely put pictures up =D And did you know that Sydney is the first place to celebrate a new year? A privilege for being underneath all the rest of the world =)

Alrighty dear friends, I hope you've enjoyed this post, and I hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving day, hopefully spending it in the company of love of your family or dearest friends. Hugs and kisses!

At the famous Bondi Beach and visiting Hands of the Cause of God Mr and Mrs Hyde-Dunn's grave site (see "The Awe of Connecting with History" post to learn about the Hands of the Cause of God):

Thoughts Here and There

One perk of working in the Membership Office is that I see cool suburb names, here's a glimpse of some I found, hehehehe!

Kangaroo Point

Rainy Mountain Place

Peppermint Grove (yummm)

Toowoomba

Woolamaloo

Cockburn (hahaha! sorry...I find it funny)

Mooroobool

Bidyadanga

Kururrungku (anyone know how to pronounce that?)

Quackers Hills

Wattle Range

Meander Valley

Downer, NSW

Appletree Drive, Cherrybrook, NSW

Ngaanyatjarraku Community (talk about woah!)

Things here in Aussieland have been going well, work wise anyway.

Personally, however, I have come to some road bumps- I have come to realize there are issues I haven't dealt with. It's frustrating because they are issues I thought I had already dealt with, and it's just one more thing added to my pile of frustration, anxiety, and confusion. I still don't know what I want to do in regards to staying in AUS or not. It's easy to say "Anywhere I go will be ok because I'm serving the Faith", but then I don't know what would be better, what and where I can contribute more, what I want! Lord, would I give anything to know what I want for my life!!!!

If I say to myself "I'm leaving in 2 months to go somewhere else"- it seems too soon, I want to stay longer, I haven't done all that I can do, I haven' t made lifelong connections, I can really contribute here. If I say to myself "I'm staying for 11 months"- it seems too long, it seems like there is more I can do other than work in the offices.

So. I don't know what to do. My heart is leaning towards one thing but my brain is telling me something different. I'm afraid of what I want. I'm afraid of the steps I have to take if I do leave. I'm afraid that the House of Worship is loosing it's sacredness for me, and if I stay longer, will that become too big of a barrier? I want to make the most out of my year of service, yet I don't want to add more stress to my life, more anxiety. The easy thing is to stay, and even though I think I would do well here, I don't think it would be the most I can do while I'm here.

I feel lost, confused, frustrated, sad, unsure, afraid, and drained (of thinking too much about everything). It's that one step I need to take- my friends are saying "apply to the other posts and see what happens, if you get accepted then it's meant to be"- so much faith, so much detachment, it's something I have a lot of trouble with- just being ok with whatever happens and having faith that I will be taken care of.

Don't Judge Me By This List =)

What I miss: Coldstones- like, insanely. Carl's Jr fries- silly but true, however, AUS has really good chips =) In-n-Out milk shakes Cheesecake Factory's amazingly big pastas CPK pizzas Starbuck's Pumpkin Spice Latte- no Thanksgiving or Halloween OR the Fall season, so no Fall drink =( Huge cakes from Costco McDonald’s chicken nuggets and Iced Carmel Lattes….ah! (The Maccas nuggets here aren't the same for some reason, hm) Dinner out with Pasadena buddies like, everyday of the week =) Walking around Americana on an eventless Saturday night Strolling through Pasadena while eating Pinkberry, something I also miss eating Driving just for the sake of driving Playing Guitar Hero pass midnight because I’ve mastered a level Rock Band parties with my peeps! The silence of living in a residential area with no birds with weird bird calls sounding off every morning, afternoon and night. Watching movies on Surfthechannel and catching up on TV shows online when I have nothing to do (those sites are blocked on Temple property) Having a gym to go to with weights provided…need to tone up these arms! The news paper! Odd yes? I like reading the World News section and get my hands all black with ink iTunes and the free stuff I can get from them! (iTunes is blocked on property and even if it wasn’t, my account is US money…bumma). Forever21 and Ross, and Target! Where things are actually cheap! (Targets here are quite pricey actually) What I don’t miss: Being stuck in rush hour traffic at 5pm (a joy of not having a car to drive whenever) Not having anything to do way too often Getting lost driving anywhere pass Glendale even though I've been to the destination numerous times Political mania all day everyday Having to wash my car or pay for gas What I like here: Seeing the ocean in the far distance every time we drive to get groceries, actually, every time we leave the Temple property- I don’t think that can ever get old Getting left over Persian food after National Assembly meetings! Bless Simeen and Taji =) Being reliant on myself…to make food, to do laundry…wait, do I like that?! Tim Tams- the love of my life. Look it up, it's the best chocolate cookie in the world!! Max Brenners. Love it to the max! Best chocolate café like, ever. LA is missing out. Being able to go out dancing and getting in free! (that’s right, free fun, LA- catch up!) Chicken salt- it seriously makes all the difference on chips (fries), it makes it so savory. Yummmm. Cadbury chocolate. It’s the new See’s candy Meat pies!!!!! It’s simply divine I have moments where I realize I’m living in Australia, I’m on my own in another country and learning the ways of a different culture. I’m doing what I said I’ve always wanted to do. It’s a great feeling of joy and accomplishment! Wooooop!