Kangaroo Point
Rainy Mountain Place
Peppermint Grove (yummm)
Toowoomba
Woolamaloo
Cockburn (hahaha! sorry...I find it funny)
Mooroobool
Bidyadanga
Kururrungku (anyone know how to pronounce that?)
Quackers Hills
Wattle Range
Meander Valley
Downer, NSW
Appletree Drive, Cherrybrook, NSW
Ngaanyatjarraku Community (talk about woah!)
Things here in Aussieland have been going well, work wise anyway.
Personally, however, I have come to some road bumps- I have come to realize there are issues I haven't dealt with. It's frustrating because they are issues I thought I had already dealt with, and it's just one more thing added to my pile of frustration, anxiety, and confusion. I still don't know what I want to do in regards to staying in AUS or not. It's easy to say "Anywhere I go will be ok because I'm serving the Faith", but then I don't know what would be better, what and where I can contribute more, what I want! Lord, would I give anything to know what I want for my life!!!!
If I say to myself "I'm leaving in 2 months to go somewhere else"- it seems too soon, I want to stay longer, I haven't done all that I can do, I haven' t made lifelong connections, I can really contribute here. If I say to myself "I'm staying for 11 months"- it seems too long, it seems like there is more I can do other than work in the offices.
So. I don't know what to do. My heart is leaning towards one thing but my brain is telling me something different. I'm afraid of what I want. I'm afraid of the steps I have to take if I do leave. I'm afraid that the House of Worship is loosing it's sacredness for me, and if I stay longer, will that become too big of a barrier? I want to make the most out of my year of service, yet I don't want to add more stress to my life, more anxiety. The easy thing is to stay, and even though I think I would do well here, I don't think it would be the most I can do while I'm here.
I feel lost, confused, frustrated, sad, unsure, afraid, and drained (of thinking too much about everything). It's that one step I need to take- my friends are saying "apply to the other posts and see what happens, if you get accepted then it's meant to be"- so much faith, so much detachment, it's something I have a lot of trouble with- just being ok with whatever happens and having faith that I will be taken care of.
7 comments:
Maybe except for seeing it as what am I not getting, see it as what i have gained and learned and how much experience you have gotten.
:::a person told me that, but in different words (give or take) :::
but its true, if you want more of an experience in australia then ask for it, go for it, and if you cant then you can at least say you tried. :)
And if your feeling confused, Pray about it. :)
And I'm pretty sure you can always go on more years of service!
we love you!
Ian
You will be taken care of, guided, protected and, as always, loved. Your prayers will be answered, just as they have to this point. Let's talk more, Hon.
Hey Aussiegirl,
Stop trying to read the future. We are human beings and we were not given that capacity. All your options are good, so do what feels good and hope for the best. Don't let fear interfere! And, you answered your own question "I don't think it would be the most I can do while I'm here." So, move on and see what's next, if that's what you want. Stop trying to control the experience by setting up goals and getting frustrated if you don't achieve them. Set goals and go with the flow. So you don't meet long life friends...good, keep your friends in Glendale!
And, I don't know which way you are going but you said your 'heart is saying one thing and your brain another." Follow your brain. Your brain bases decisions on "facts." Facts don't change really...the heart on the other hand makes decisions based on emotion, ah, now how often does that change? A good rule to remember. But, just make sure you got things in the right bucket. By the way, life without something to worry about is quite boring.
Love you,
Teri
P.S. Good comments from Ian!)
P.S.P.S. Kamran and I may come out to Sydney...it's a long shot, but who knows!
Dearest Ailene,
I think you have marvelous concerns. Which to do, hmmm, is right. You certainly seem to be comfortable with your service there. That’s great, nothing wrong with that. I see no problem with you staying on and I agree with Ian, let them know you’d like to do more. However, please define what more is exactly? I think working in the bookstore and the office is awesome and how I’d love to be able to provide that kind of service. I’m sure your work is appreciated very much!
Ask to meet with the National Spiritual Assembly and ask them for guidance!
It would be fine for you to stay there until May, come back for Ian’s GRADUATION and then head back to school. Two more years to the bachelors, and another year of service following that. Two choices: push very hard to complete the degree in 18 months, OR take 12 units per term and spend the summers on teaching projects, perhaps in Taiwan or Kenya.
Here’s the thing about trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up: James Mitchener, one of my favorite authors, did all kinds of jobs and it was only at age 35 that he decided to become a writer. Mitchener said that all those experiences up to that point, helped him see the world more broadly and be able to become a writer.
So try not to worry about what you will become, take anything, as life goes on, you can always go for a master’s degree in another field. The most important thing is to get that BA behind you as you continue walking the path of Service.
We ALL have great faith in you, now it's your turn.
Much love,
Auntie Susie
Dahlin, i saw your mom last night; lovely and eloquent as ever. i just read your blog. Dear, dear one, these are questions that happen periodically through our lives. we find we are living the questions. I noted someone said, follow your head. I always follow my heart. Stanwood Cobb followed his intuition. Your original plan was to go to Australia, and then somewhere else? I don't know where.
I know when we went travel teaching in Siberia, it was hard and i didn't like it, but there were good points; mostly it was hell, but teaching was terrific.
there's a book Not Every Sea Hath Pearls, and a young girl had the same questions, and wrote Abdu'l-Baha; he couldn't advise her. she prayed and went to some island, and met and married the Governor. don't know which chapter. If you haven't read that book-read it; go to A Miracle; it's a gripper; i'd read that book; will pray for you; there's no one way to be; no exact career. Some people know their path. Some people know their path, but change completely at 35. It's all a process dahlin, and you are one of the loveliest people. Your honesty is terrific; i hope you are journaling. At any rate, don't want to sound bossy, just empathic and caring. hugs and kisses and prayers, esther detally
yowzah...
Okay first of all, that list...HILARIOUS!
Now, I pretty much agree with all the guidance so far. I know you wish you could be in Sidney, Taiwan, Cambodia, Samoa, and maybe even Glendale all at the same time!! But you know its impossible...so, sigh...
Regarding the temple, I know that feeling. Don't be disheartened by it. It'll come back.
Umm, I've already spoken my peace on this in a previous comment. Just know that I feel ya. In the end, whatever you decide is cool. I won't judge you. =P
Girl I say it's amazing that you even have a choice of where you can serve, instead of being stuck somewhere you don't enjoy. So take advantage of that. I have a rigorous technique for making the right decisions that works for me so I'll tell you of it. It's called "Kudos Lists." It might sound like a long process, but I really hope you try it (:
MAKING THE LISTS:
1. You should sit down and write a list of choices you have to make. Then write pros and corresponding number of cons for the choices you have. Keep track of how many pro/con pairs you have written. (spend a good amount of time on writing this list. Even when you think you're done write a few more things for each. This is important).
2. Give each pro a Kudos value from 0 to 10 (10 being: "this would make me extremely, super duper happy!!", and 0 being indifferent).
3. Give each con a No-Kudos value from 0 to 10 (10 being: "I would be extremely miserables if I was forced to deal with this!!").
4. Then let a day pass. Without looking over your first list, make a second list of pros and cons. Give them appropriate Kudos points. (spend no more than 10 minutes on this) (in the short amount of time you will hopefully write things that pop out in your mind, which means they are more pressing issues)
5. Then discuss the lists with someone (your mom would be the best bet :) and then make a third list with her. (complete with Kudos point).
TALLYING THE LISTS:
6. (Warning! A bit of math required. hehe!) Only now are you allowed to add up the Kudos points. For each choice, sum up the pros Kudos and subtract from it the sum of the cons Kudos. Then divide by the number of pro/con pairs you have for that choice. This gives you a Kudos value for that specific choice (repeat for all three lists).
ANALYZING THE LISTS:
7. Compare the Kudos value for a specific choice from all three lists. List three (the one discussed with someone you trust) has the highest priority. Then list two and then list one.
8. Higher Kudos values represent the choices that you should follow through with!!
The "Kudos Lists" technique is not only logical, but also emotional, because at the end you make a decision based on how happy you will be. Along the way you also logically point out the good and the bad, in the meanwhile discussing it with someone you trust. I hate to hear that you are too stressed or anxious... So hope this helps. It will work if you try it! You'll have nothing to lose!
Much Love,
Manda (:
Let me know if this is a bit unclear. I'll give you examples of some of my lists. It should help! (:
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