Learned yesterday that my visa application was only turned in last Friday...6 days ago. Here I was thinking it's been at least 2 weeks so I should be prepared to get a notification within a week that I'm leaving. Guess that's not going happen. At this point, I don't know what I feel or if I'm even interested any more. Part of me is like, 'that's fine, I'll wait longer', other part is 'why is this happening to me', a third side is 'I'm done'. I kinda wana slash something, sob all night, or just disappear. The lady we talked to at the info center said it could take up to two months for the visa to come in, so now, instead of feeling nervous and excited, like I was, and trying to get everything ready to pack, I have no feeling, I've shut it off...or at least trying. I'm thinking I'll never leave, feeling like I don't want to leave the house, like I don't want to interact with anyone because I'll blow with frustration very, very soon.
I've been given the option to leave and go somewhere else first, like serve at a Baha'i school or go to Taiwan to work on my Chinese, and honestly, where I'm standing now, going back to school would sound more exciting. I could get a job, but I would have to live at home. I could go to Taiwan or Cambodia before Australia, but that would be more money out the door, which I'm trying to avoid. I don't think I'm the type of person to just get up and go, to change plans in the middle of a plan, which might be the reason why none of those options sound good to me. If there was a button that I could push and it could catapult me to age 40, where hopefully by then I have a life in order, I would push it so hard it would probably catapult me to age 80.
A spa week sounds good right about now...oh to live the life of the rich...at least if I wanted to disappear I could do it with no financial worries, and in style. I guess I could do some bargain retail therapy instead.
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