Wishin' and Hopin'

I don't know if I wrote about this, but I got an email couple of weeks ago informing me that the visa department needed more information, health and financial info. They said I needed to get a physical exam and to get a chest x-ray because I'm from Taiwan and there is apparently a high number of TB cases there. So, in came the rush of the feeling of "crap". So, we got right on it- after the party that is :) Got my physical- all's ok. Got the chest x-ray- big surprise, no TB. Picked up the results 3 days afterward, mailed it off to Australia, sent it express to insure it got there in 3 days, and I'm hoping it did...for 70 bucks it better have. I emailed the lady helping me with all the visa stuff, informing her I got all the required info emailed and mailed, and asked her to let me know when she received it. Well, since it was all email I was expecting to get a response within a day, but days have gone by and I've heard nothing. That makes me nervous. She's really good at returning email, so I'm hoping that a) she just forgot, or b)...she just forgot. I've already sent reminder emails, and nothing....oh crap! I do NOT want this to extend even longer because of some lost emails!

I've been imagining what I will feel like when I get that infamous email stating: "Your visa's just been approved! Please book a plane ticket and let us know the details. See you soon!" - and the first feeling that comes to my chest is fear. Second is anxiety, which is the cousin of fear. Third is denial, like, "this isn't happening, nope, I'm not going, I don't want to go". I feel like I have so much to do, and yet, don't know what it is or how to go about fixing that knot that is forming in my stomach and chest. I know there are a couple of things that could make me feel better. One is praying, which I desperately need to learn to do regularly (I hate to admit that I don't do it regularly because I know how important it is to do so); when I'm in the habit, I feel different, I know I'm doing good. I need that again. Second is exercising; it's almost like praying, because when I do it regularly I feel like I'm doing what I'm suppose to do, like I'm accomplishing a task. Plus, it will give me a good outlet for all this nervous energy that I'm harboring. And, I don't think there is a third. How weird that we, I, know what needs to be done in order to feel better, yet don't do it because it will force us to change our habit, our daily cycles.

Hope to have an exciting next headline for everyone. Till then!