Reflections

It's my last night of being 21, and I've got to say, I'm a little sad!!! Year 21 was not the best and I'm determined to make 22 better. Even though age is only a number, I can't help but feel like my years are flying by!!! There is so much I want to do, and I already feel like there isn't much time. I think my birthday has just crept up on me, I'm not prepared at all. Someone asked me how old I am today and I answered “21”, and then it kinda hit me, it set in, that that was the last time I was going to be able to say that.....oh lord!

While I've been serving, I've started to realize that my prayers have been answered one by one, and it's amazing that I've been able to recognize that! One thing that has always baffled me about prayer is that I can't seem to recognize or figure out when a prayer has been answered, or when an opportunity has come up because of a prayer, even though I've always believed that prayer has power. So it's very exciting that I've recognized that certain things have come up because of me asking/praying. Some examples are as follows:

1. I was really nervous about the fact that I have to learn to cook for myself, so I half heartedly joked, but was a bit serious, when I hoped for roommates that love to cook. My first couple of weeks were gold. I had 4 roommates (out of 6) that cooked all the time. Now they're all gone and I do have to learn to cook a bit, but it took away so much stress during a stressful first couple of weeks to have roommates that wanted to cook :)

2. Socializing was a big concern for me before I came; I was really nervous about having to make a good first impression and really making some life-long friends. In any situation, I think you need a good support group and a couple of really close friends are always nice to have around because they are going to be the people you go to when you have a problem. I've met some wonderful people here, and the bond that we have is indescribable. My roommates Betty and Emmy are so easy to get along with, and one of the community youth, Jess, and I get along really well. I'm so incredibly happy and relieved to have friends that I feel I can talk to and hang with and be silly with. I didn't want my own insecurities to become a barrier for me to make friends, and I'm still working on that, but I think so far I've done a pretty good job...thank you Baha'u'llah!!!

3. One of my goals for my year of service period is to become deepened and well-read in the Baha'i Writings. Reading has never been something I really enjoy, but I desperately want to know the Faith inside and out- I want to teach it with eloquence and accuracy and humility, I want to be detached from my own insecurities and my own fear of not knowing my own faith when I teach. Answer to my prayer? I was sent to work in the bookstore. I didn't figure this one out until a couple of days ago, when all of a sudden it dawned on me that I have a vast selection of Baha'i Writings, reference books, history books, biographies, social science topics and so much more at my finger tips every Saturday! Usually weekends are slow too, so it's a perfect time killer for me to read up and to really knowledge myself in these books. When I was first put in the bookstore I felt a little “ugh, it's kinda slow and I have nothing to do”, but when this revelation revealed itself, it was like “woah! It's an answer to a prayer and I only figure it out now?” :)

4. Another goal of mine for this year is to really focus on knowing myself. I've felt disconnected from myself for a really long time. It's a hard thing to explain, but it's very troubling to be in, because you are you, yet, you don't know you. So when a 6-week workshop came up about “learning your color dynamic”, I thought it sounded interesting and joined. Little did I know that it was a workshop about learning how you process information and solve problems, and how you receive and work with the data the world is giving you. Exactly what I need and want. To choose your color dynamic, you have to know yourself, and belive me, I had a really hard time with choosing a color, but I realized right away that this is what I was asking for- an opportunity to learn about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, what I like, what I don like, what I want in relationships, what I want in life- all of which are covered in this workshop! Very briefly, there are 3 aspects to how one processes information- emotional, mental, and physical. The different combinations (mental-emotional, physical-emotional...etc) are the different color groups, and each group is missing one aspect, and the workshop is to get you to understand how you process life and how you can get that other aspect in balance with the other two, so that in the end, you are a balanced (emotional-mental-physical) person. It's so incredibly interesting, and the other perk to it is that it is facilitated by the Secretary of the NSA (the governing body of Australia). These opportunities don't happen anywhere for anyone.

I feel so insanely happy to have recognized that my prayers have been heard and that there are opportunities being presented to me to help me better myself and to work on the fields of Ailene I want to work on. I really feeling like I'm serving, and I'm in a dream state, feeling like I can do anything. Thank you to all who are reading, I don't know who all of you are, but I'm so happy people are “listening” and learning (hopefully) from my posts. I am praying for you all and I hope your prayers are answered too.

...3, 2, 1, midnight! September 7th...happy birthday to me :)