I'm in a Pickle....

Well, my 3rd month is coming up tomorrow, wow, where has the time gone? I go through days of thinking “my service time is almost over, better cram everything in!” And other times I think I'm doing nothing and that I have loads of time. These peaks and valleys are hard to simmer down and make one emotion. I wanted to kinda have a feel of what I would like to do by the 3rd month, in regards to going somewhere else or staying in Sydney, but with my emotions going high and low every other week, it's hard to say where I stand on the subject.

My options are these: 1) Staying in Sydney- I'm already trained, I can get involved wholly without worrying about leaving soon, and it would probably be less stressful. 2) I'm considering Australia's Northern Territory- it would be more rural, I would get to see the outback and work with the Indigenous culture, and I would be more involved in “in the field” work, like childrens classes, junior youth empowerment classes, Ruhi book trainings. It seems it would be a good medium between Sydney and my other option, 3) Cambodia. It's a country that is thriving and the Faith is growing rapidly. The work I would be doing would be in the field, really seeing the fruits of the classes we're giving.

My fears: 1) Money. It's always a concern for me, and to spend more money now, especially with some family stuff going on, probably wouldn't be smart. 2) Stress. Do I really want to plan a trip, figure out my money, accommodation, day-to-day activities? Do I want to start at square 1 yet again? 3) How can I best utilize my time away from home and to have an enriching Year of Service experience? And do I want to know the answer to this question?

My solutions:...well, not many...that I've thought of anyway. I'm going to pray. I'm going to read over messages from the Universal House of Justice that outlines what the Baha'is should be doing now to best teach and promote the Faith, and see where I fit in. And I might talk to a couple supervisors here at the Temple. I also need details. I can't make a decision without details. I need to know what I would be doing if I go to NT, I need to know what I would be doing if I got to Cambodia, as well as where I would stay, how will I be supported (if at all)...etc.

Part of me is scared to find out these answers. Will I be ready to take on the responsibility if the answer is to go to NT or Cambodia? Will I be willing to follow through? I don't want to apply for positions and then pull out, leaving the organizers hanging, and me looking bad and not prepared. I think that has a lot to do with it....not wanting to know, because if I know, I will have to plan and I will have to follow through. Scary. Scary to have to take initiative and put trust in the fact that you will be ok in the end, even if it's not the most logical decision at the time.

I've Got the Travel Bug

Finally! I have some adequate time to catch you up on my activities here in the Southern Hemisphere!! Sitting here in the cozy warm living room with a nice hot cup of jasmine tea with rain pouring down outside, I will attempt to cram all my stories into one post :)

Wow have I had experiences these past 2 weeks....so many that I've been hesitating to write since I know that once I start I usually can't stop. Where to start? Where did I leave OFF?!

My mom and a dear friend of the family, Judi, who's really like an aunt to me, took a trip down under to visit me. During that time we took a road-trip to Australia's capital city, Canberra, for a weekend, and then went and explored New Zealand, the best way possible, for about 5 days. I originally thought my mom's visit came to soon (I am only 2 months into my service time), but it ended up being the perfect time for her to come. I needed space and needed to get out, and for various other reasons, it was on-the-dot timing.

Canberra was absolutely gorgeous. Mom and I drove down, took about 3 hours, in the reallyyyyy cute car they rented (Judi was already there). The drive was just to die for- so much greenery and so serene. Mom was freaking out most of the time, nervous that we would hit a random kangaroo that would jump out from the forest haha. Nothing happened, just in case you're wondering :) The highway use to be a lake, from what I've heard, so it was lush (but not an intense lush, like New Zealand would be) and there was a lot of farmland- it was kind of like driving from LA to Fresno, which is mostly farmland in the middle, but all dry and all ugly- this was all wet and all beautiful. When we got to the town, I said to Mom, “Well...I feel like I'm in Orange County....” Stayed with a fantastically nice family who knew Judi from when she was pioneering in South Africa in the 70's-80's. It's so great to see my mom and Judi have these friends all over the world whom they met when they were in a distant country serving the Faith. I feel like, with the Faith, you always have a connection, and you're relationship is always moving forward, where as relationships from school or clubs come and go since it's just a period of time. It's nice to see that friendships formed 30 years ago can continue and progress.

The second day in Canberra, the family took us to the Canberra Baha'i Centre where we saw wild kangaroos! There were 30 or more just hanging around, and some people were saying that they're so use to humans that they get close to the Centre and you can actually pet them. I'm not going to take their word for it. But it was really awesome to see them hopping about :) Then we were taken to the annual Floriade event, a flower/tulip festival in the city. Gorgeous. Flowers everywhere. I went picture crazy hahaha. The landscape of Canberra is very symmetrical- I was told- organized, which is probably why I liked it hahaha. The family also took us to Embassy Row, where you can see every country's embassy- it was so cool! It was like Disneyland's “It's a Small World” but in life form! All the buildings' architecture reflected that country's culture and style. So awesome to see. America's was embarrassing to the max! Took up, like, 3 blocks, smack dab in the middle of the whole lot; big, loud, and so unnecessary. Helloooo, you don't have to be the center of attraction all the time! Lordy lord. Anyway, the trip was overall very relaxing and fun. Oh! On our way home we stopped at a wildlife zoo and petted koalas and kangaroos!! It was really cool. I was pretty hesitant to go close since, they are wild and I didn't want to get eaten. When I went up to pet the koala (in the below picture), he stopped eating his Eucalyptus leaves and turned suddenly facing me and stared, I thought I did something to alarm him and therefore Ibacked up and took a picture far away, just incase he was going to swing his giant, razor sharp paw at me :)

New Zealand, which we went to 2 days after Canberra, was everything everyone was saying it was. Everyone says New Zealand is gorgeous and raves about it, and I just thought they were exaggerating so I wasn't particularly waiting to be impressed or anything. But as we left the city (after staying and exploring one day) and drove more and more into the country and farm area....Man! It's gorgeous! The greens are so lush, and the colors are so vibrant. The land goes on and on and on, never ending fields of 10 shades of green. It's like looking at the ocean and seeing the magnitude of the world and really seeing how small we humans are- same thing, but on land. I felt like I could stare at those patches of never ending fields forever, watching the herds of cows and sheep and horses go back and forth, living a life of careless leisure. The downfall of the trip, a bit, was that it poured rain every day that we were there. Each day had a couple of hours of sunshine, but mainly rain. Being a person that likes rain, and someone who hasn't had a rain storm in a while, I was quite happy with the cold weather (nice change from dry heat all day), but my travel mates...hmmm, not so much. I do think that if the sun came out more we would've seen so much more beauty. But I enjoyed the trip immensely even though blue skies were mostly absent. The family we stayed with (another one of Judi's friends, they served together in Haifa, Israel in the 80's-90's) were just absolute sweethearts. So loving and so kind and really funny! They took us around town, to an arts fair, took us to their Baha'i Feast (which was about a 25minute drive, like on the other side of town haha) where I saw how a smaller Baha'i community goes about their events, they took us to touristy spots 2 hours away....so sweet! On our last full day there they drove us to this farm area where Judi treated me to horseback riding for my birthday. It was to die for. OMG. SPACTACULAR. The scenery that we saw cannot be described adequately with words, and pictures can't translate them either. If you go to New Zealand, go horseback riding in the mountains, you'll get the true experience. I really wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride, but this was just as great!!!

Overall, my journeys around the world have been very memorable and very enjoyable. I'm so thankful for my mom for the trip here and for the trips that I got to take with her and Judi. I really do enjoy expanding my world view. I know it's not an easy leisure, so I'm very thankful!!!

While I was on vacation, I actually got to a point where I was itching to get back to work. Never thought I'd see the day where I want to go to work! I felt like “I need to be at work, I'm missing out, I have stuff to do people!” And I do enjoy working here. Some think because it's office work etc it's not enjoyable, but I like having a task that is continuous, and I like being busy. I guess it's true that when you enjoy your work you want to work. So, I believe you are now caught up on my life. Sorry it took so long for the update, but I'm sure the length of this post has made up for that! Loves.

Work is Worship

"Work done in the spirit of service is the highest form of worship."-Abdu'l-Baha

I've heard this quote many times in my life, and it never resonated with me, nor did I understand it, until now. The last couple of weeks I've really felt the essence of this quote in me. As I've written, I do a lot of different jobs, and so I'm pretty much always busy and pretty much always exhausted by the end of the day. But I'm happy. I feel like I'm on a different level. I feel like my soul is being fed food it's never had before. I'm on a spiritual high.

What the quote means to me is that, when you're working, if you have the mindset that you're working for the betterment of humanity, and that you're contributing to your work place by working together with your fellow colleagues, you are serving God. You are worshiping God and you're elevating your spiritual status by doing work.

I primarily work in the office now, and even though I have about 4 jobs in the offices, I'm in one place, I don't feel like I'm bouncing around from job to job as I previously felt (another answered prayer perhaps!). And I can distinctly remember, it was about a week ago, when I realized how spiritually uplifted and stable and joyous I felt after that weeks work! I can't pinpoint the feeling or adequately describe what I felt, but it's something that I've never felt before. Even though I was super tired from the work day and felt like I couldn't possibly have energy to go to an event that night, I felt accomplished yet humble, centered not scattered...uplifted. It was then that I truly felt like I understood the quote- by working, even though it may be filing or photocopying or mailing out the new membership cards to the whole of Australia (13,000 thank you very much! and we finished this week!!), I am serving Baha'u'llah, I am serving the Faith, I am worshiping God. How fulfilling is that?! :)

So, Australia is getting HOT! It only (only...) got up to 30C this week and I was dyyyyiiinnnngggg. It was humid, yet dry (don't know how that works) and it just felt like I couldn't get cool. This summer is going to be a test. Let's pray, shall we? :) I haven't seen a snake yet, probably means it's not hot enough for them to come roaming around my house yet, so when I do, I'll let you guys know. Hopefully pictures will be part of that post haha. My mom is visiting me for 2 weeks, along with a close family friend, and it's been nice to have a familiar face around. I haven't been homesick, which is good since I've been itching to get out of home for a while now, but mom's are always nice to have around when you're in a different environment. We're heading off to Canberra today (the capital city) for the weekend, Mom's going to be driving...let us pray for that too! Hopefully we'll see some nice sights and sounds of the capital- they have a tulip festival going on that's suppose to be gorgeous, so I hope we get to do that!! Then next week we'll be going to New Zealand for a couple of days. Here's to hoping that I get to go on a hot air balloon ride!!!! Woop!! =D

"It is enjoined upon every one of you to engage in some form of occupation...We have graciously exalted your engagement in such work to the rank of worship unto God, the True One... Waste not your time in idleness and sloth. Occupy yourselves with that which profiteth yourselves and others...The most despised of men in the sight of God are those who sit idly and beg... When anyone occupieth himself in a craft or trade, such occupation itself is regarded in the estimation of God as an act of worship; and this is naught but a token of His infinite and all-pervasive bounty."- Baha'u'llah

"Work, especially when performed in the spirit of service, is according to Bahá'u'lláh, a form of worship. It has not only a utilitarian purpose, but has a value in itself, because it draws us nearer to God, and enables to better grasp His purpose for us in this world."- Shoghi Effendi (Abdu'l-Baha's grandson, who appointed him the Guardian of the Faith, and authorized interpretor of the Writings, after His passing)

Start of Year 22nd!

I've been in Australia for 2 months now and it's been fabulous. There have been ups and downs, as any situation has, but right now, I feel like I'm in a really good place, very centered and focused. I've been busy and tired, so it's been a little hard to keep up with the writing, but I want to do it, so I'm going to try harder!

Here are some photos from my 22nd birthday!!! Will have a new post of my recent adventures very soon :) Love to all!!!!

I woke up to these 5 signs facing my room!

...from my fun-loving roommate Emmy :)

The pashmina is from my other roommate Betty, the chocolates and the coupon book from Jess, and the jewlery and Baha'i Prayer Book from Philipp, who left for Germany just days before. Apparently Julian is sending me a German cow by post :) So thoughtful and I love every single one of them.

Jess!

At the 19 Day Feast, the community sang to me and I got to blow out candles. So sweet and thoughtful. I was really touched :)

Azah and Vafa took me out for delicious Thai food after Feast. Was so full but soooo happy!

The next day, the office staff (some pictured) sang me "Happy Birthday" and gave me a little cake (I was off on my birthday so it happened the next day while I was working in Membership) I was very pleasantly surprised!!

It was such a yummy cake!!!! Love it.

Can you taste the awesomeness?!

Reflections

It's my last night of being 21, and I've got to say, I'm a little sad!!! Year 21 was not the best and I'm determined to make 22 better. Even though age is only a number, I can't help but feel like my years are flying by!!! There is so much I want to do, and I already feel like there isn't much time. I think my birthday has just crept up on me, I'm not prepared at all. Someone asked me how old I am today and I answered “21”, and then it kinda hit me, it set in, that that was the last time I was going to be able to say that.....oh lord!

While I've been serving, I've started to realize that my prayers have been answered one by one, and it's amazing that I've been able to recognize that! One thing that has always baffled me about prayer is that I can't seem to recognize or figure out when a prayer has been answered, or when an opportunity has come up because of a prayer, even though I've always believed that prayer has power. So it's very exciting that I've recognized that certain things have come up because of me asking/praying. Some examples are as follows:

1. I was really nervous about the fact that I have to learn to cook for myself, so I half heartedly joked, but was a bit serious, when I hoped for roommates that love to cook. My first couple of weeks were gold. I had 4 roommates (out of 6) that cooked all the time. Now they're all gone and I do have to learn to cook a bit, but it took away so much stress during a stressful first couple of weeks to have roommates that wanted to cook :)

2. Socializing was a big concern for me before I came; I was really nervous about having to make a good first impression and really making some life-long friends. In any situation, I think you need a good support group and a couple of really close friends are always nice to have around because they are going to be the people you go to when you have a problem. I've met some wonderful people here, and the bond that we have is indescribable. My roommates Betty and Emmy are so easy to get along with, and one of the community youth, Jess, and I get along really well. I'm so incredibly happy and relieved to have friends that I feel I can talk to and hang with and be silly with. I didn't want my own insecurities to become a barrier for me to make friends, and I'm still working on that, but I think so far I've done a pretty good job...thank you Baha'u'llah!!!

3. One of my goals for my year of service period is to become deepened and well-read in the Baha'i Writings. Reading has never been something I really enjoy, but I desperately want to know the Faith inside and out- I want to teach it with eloquence and accuracy and humility, I want to be detached from my own insecurities and my own fear of not knowing my own faith when I teach. Answer to my prayer? I was sent to work in the bookstore. I didn't figure this one out until a couple of days ago, when all of a sudden it dawned on me that I have a vast selection of Baha'i Writings, reference books, history books, biographies, social science topics and so much more at my finger tips every Saturday! Usually weekends are slow too, so it's a perfect time killer for me to read up and to really knowledge myself in these books. When I was first put in the bookstore I felt a little “ugh, it's kinda slow and I have nothing to do”, but when this revelation revealed itself, it was like “woah! It's an answer to a prayer and I only figure it out now?” :)

4. Another goal of mine for this year is to really focus on knowing myself. I've felt disconnected from myself for a really long time. It's a hard thing to explain, but it's very troubling to be in, because you are you, yet, you don't know you. So when a 6-week workshop came up about “learning your color dynamic”, I thought it sounded interesting and joined. Little did I know that it was a workshop about learning how you process information and solve problems, and how you receive and work with the data the world is giving you. Exactly what I need and want. To choose your color dynamic, you have to know yourself, and belive me, I had a really hard time with choosing a color, but I realized right away that this is what I was asking for- an opportunity to learn about myself, my strengths, my weaknesses, what I like, what I don like, what I want in relationships, what I want in life- all of which are covered in this workshop! Very briefly, there are 3 aspects to how one processes information- emotional, mental, and physical. The different combinations (mental-emotional, physical-emotional...etc) are the different color groups, and each group is missing one aspect, and the workshop is to get you to understand how you process life and how you can get that other aspect in balance with the other two, so that in the end, you are a balanced (emotional-mental-physical) person. It's so incredibly interesting, and the other perk to it is that it is facilitated by the Secretary of the NSA (the governing body of Australia). These opportunities don't happen anywhere for anyone.

I feel so insanely happy to have recognized that my prayers have been heard and that there are opportunities being presented to me to help me better myself and to work on the fields of Ailene I want to work on. I really feeling like I'm serving, and I'm in a dream state, feeling like I can do anything. Thank you to all who are reading, I don't know who all of you are, but I'm so happy people are “listening” and learning (hopefully) from my posts. I am praying for you all and I hope your prayers are answered too.

...3, 2, 1, midnight! September 7th...happy birthday to me :)